PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

" I wonder," he pondered, "if Dan ever considered what I would be like if I wasn't a praying man." (emphasis mine)
Henri Nouwen/Sue Mosteller
The Only Necessary Thing

Dan accused Henri of preaching beautiful theories, but not living them. Because Henri was unable to stop and talk with Dan, when he asked, he called Henri rude and selfish; then added, "And you are supposedly a man of prayer." 

Sue found Henri drinking coffee and crying.

The truth hurt. But Dan's comments stung!

However, somewhere in his ponderings, Henri must have awakened to another truth. He wasn't all he should be . . . but he was better than he used to be.

Me too, because God allows me to be . . .

Utterly Dependent on Him,
Lonnie

SHEEP, SMILES, AND JAMES T.

"The issue is never, 'Are you qualified?' The issue is always, 'Are you called?'

I make this distinction between qualified and called with aspiring writers all the time. Too many authors worry about whether or not their book will get published. That isn't the question. The question is this: Are you called to write? That's the only question you need to answer. And if the answer is yes, then you need to write the book as an act of obedience. It doesn't matter whether anyone reads it or not."
Mark Batterson
The Circle Maker

I'm out praying today.

I AM writing a book. It's about sheep. Well, sort of. It's really about me--and you too.
"We all, like sheep . . . " Isaiah 53:6
"We are his people, the sheep of his pasture . . . " Psalm 100: 3

I've read every book I can find on sheep, with more emphasis on those without Christian leanings. I wanted to see what the relationship was between shepherds and their sheep. It's been a sweet journey. Every time I pick up one of those books (I HAD to buy them.), I feel enveloped in a strange sort of contentment and in God's love. 

So the book,  We . . . Like Sheep, is a devotion book.

Years ago, I wrote a children's book for a writing class: To Catch A Smile. I love this book. It's about Jacob who considers himself way too boring for Jesus to want to spend time with him. He hides behind a tree and watches other children play with Jesus. It was some time before I realized that "I" am Jacob.

James T. Now, there's a fellow you can't help but like. He's a cross between Mr. Green Jeans off of Captain Kangaroo and my husband, Ray. He always travels with his dog; his first adventure being to a town with no signs. Not a sign anywhere, including store fronts. He accidentally walks into a dress shop and quickly backs out before answering the lady's question: "How do I look in this dress?" He visits another town without manners; people don't even know what manners are!

Yup. James T. and I are buddies. Though I haven't pulled him out of the file for a while, he makes me smile.

Batterson's quote could be discouraging, I suppose. Yet, more than discouragement, I accept his words as permission. I absolutely feel "called" to write; and so I will. 

 My prayers aren't whether I "should" write; they are more about asking what I should do with what I write. There are some huge hurdles toward publishing. That world has changed a lot since I had articles and children's stories published in magazines.

And so I pray, because I am . . . 

Utterly Dependent on Him Who is Utterly Dependable,
Lonnie

MORE AGONY THAN ECSTASY

Michelangelo: "Your Grace, I will give you actual drawings of the pietra serena doors, windows, pilasters, columns, niches, cornices. Then I will build models in wood exactly the size the tombs are to be. I will put on them the proposed statues in clay, made to size and finished exactly as they are to be."

Cardinal Giulio: "That will take considerable time. The Holy Father is in a hurry."
Irving Stone
The Agony and the Ecstasy

Ray is my Michelangelo. I am Cardinal Giulo--in a hurry.

One of the biggest take-aways, for me, within the 758 pages (!!) of The Agony and the Ecstasy is the preparation behind Michelangelo's masterpieces. The mixing of paints for the Sistine Chapel involved the preciseness of science. When he painted the fresco of the chapel, it could not be dry; but rather had to be a certain degree of dampness for the paint to adher. Thus he could only work on small portions at a time, and at the same time preventing seams between one day's work and the next. 

 Drawings and plans preceded the actual work. Besides that, much preparation took place in Michelangelo's thoughts and heart; which means we can barely appreciate his paintings and sculptures until we know some of the backstory.

Did you know that Michelangelo dissected corpses to determine how muscles worked beneath the skin, and to give the most accurate expression of motion? Oooh. Stone was a bit too descriptive for me. I finally skipped a couple pages. But you get the idea. Preparation . . . more agony than ecstasy!

I hate it! I want to get the project done and get on to the next one. We have plenty.

When we paint walls, Ray fills nail holes (even ones that will hold the same nail and picture when we're done). He fills dents made by furniture, and patiently waits for the putty to dry. He insists that we prime. He insists on putting plastic down--ever so meticulously. He tapes the baseboards--again, ever so meticulously. Amidst my irritation and impatience, I've told him that if he goes first, painting won't be done his way.

And it won't look the same, either! There's a reason we know about Michelangelo. It's his persuit of excellence. And while I'm not up for the competition, I'm guessing anyone of you could tell the difference between a room Ray painted and one I've painted. I'm learning.  

Pick your craft--quilting, painting cars, embroidery, photography, woodworking, knitting. Preparation and attention to details makes the difference. 

This is not my personality. I want the pretty without the pain. So I am . . . 

Utterly Dependent on Him who is Utterly Dependable,
Lonnie

CO-DEPENDENT . . . STILL

"In the past, excusing ourselves of all responsibility prevented us from being blamed. We have learned that it also prevented us from feeling worthy, from fulfilling our potential, from feeling the excitement that comes from achievement.

"Our fear of failure helped us to be irresponsible . . . "
Karen Casey
Each Day A New Beginning

Okay, this is NOT where I planned to go. I've been reading an incredible book by Philip Yancy. I perused my underlines and prayed about what I should post today. The sense I got was that I was looking at the wrong book.

I have keys in all my journals: P for prayer, PA for prayer answer, etc., etc., and UT for Ultra Transparency--for times when I'm just putting me out there, without mascara and blush, if you will. This entry qualifies for UT.

House Projects. They are NOT done.

A man from CODA (Codependents Anonymous) got me to thinking. He shared how he procrastinated with certain things because he was afraid he wouldn't like the outcome. Oh wow! Got that right!

I'd realized, already, that I had several craft projects, unfinished. Why? I had put SO MUCH time into them, what if I screwed up (irrepairably) at the very end? Well, I suppose not finishing prevents screw-ups; but it also prevents using the quilt or shawl that I've started.

As I read the above quote, I thought of house projects. One of our undone projects is carpet. We've needed it for a good decade. But . . . what if? The What Ifs will get you every time.

What if we choose the wrong colour? We cannot afford a redo; we'll be stuck with ugliness forever. OR, what if we pick poor quality? Then it "won't" last "forever," which of course is our hope and intention.

Codependents often don't trust their decisions. Add to that, I grew up with, "If you don't take care of this one, you won't get another." Unfortunately, I put those words in God's mouth. I expect that if I do something wrong, punishment and shame are sure to follow.

But Good News! God's been growing me for years toward seeing Him as a loving Father. And now, CODA is helping me recognize the roots of some of my thoughts so that I can pull them out and replace them with truth.

Speaking of which . . . CODA starts in 15 minutes. Gotta Run. Till next time, I am . . .

Utterly Dependent on Him (and He is Utterly Dependable),
Lonnie

BORROWED WORDS . . . CHANGING AGAIN.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1 NIV

The book I'm reading says it's natural for blogs to evolve--and so mine shall.

I've tossed all my handwritten note cards.

 I've recycled several of my political books. That was a great season! I learned so much.

I'm in several seasons now:

Recovery: (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families; Codependents Anonymous)

Prayer

Psalms

Classics: (Last year, I read The Grapes of Wrath. I am, now, within 20 pages of finishing The Agony and the Ecstasy: Novel of Michelangelo.

All topics will still revolve around "borrowed words." I love words and the colours people create in their use of them. 

I'm so hoping that you will join me in my journeys--that you'll find yourself nodding your head, laughing, being convicted, feeling awestruck by God's love, finding hope along with reason and strength to persevere.

Because one thing that permeates every day of my life and every lesson that I learn is this:

I AM UTTERLY DEPENDENT (AND MY GOD IS UTTERLY DEPENDABLE!)
Lonnie

REPUBLICANS WIN

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercessions and thanksgiving be made for all people--for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."  1 Timothy 2: 1-2 NIV

It used to be that employees got raises for time served and good behavior. (smile) I currently work where raises are "scheduled" according to how many hours I've invested in the institution: not for promptness, good use of time, hard work, or taking initiative. And only if wages aren't frozen to deal with a recession or budget shortfall.

I'm motivated by work ethic and raises given according to work performed; but it does make me ponder. Are raises then a compliment? Or an expression of increased responsibility? I suspect both.

As the news media tells the nation, in bold print, that the Republicans have taken over control of the House and the Senate, I ask the same question and come up with the same answer. Shall Republicans receive this as a compliment? Sure, they should. Should they also receive it as a trust; an expression of increased responsibility? Absolutely!

I've tried to do much reading in the last 6 months on the business of politics. These men and women face no easy task. Passions and compromise are hard to reconcile. 

When writing fiction, authors are encouraged to give villains redeeming qualities, and heroes a character flaw. None of us is perfectly good or perfectly evil. Can we believe that and trust God?

Can we remind ourselves that God raises up government officials for our blessing--or for our discipline. And yet, with that, we are always called to pray and obey. But knowing, when we must choose between obeying man's word or God's Word, Always God!  

" Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." Romans 13: 1 NIV

Ever-Dependent On Him,
Lonnie
  

WHEN PROTEST WORKS

" The aim of effective and transformational protest should be to illumine a society to its need for change. In other words, protest must be instructive to succeed . . . The power of protest is not in its anger but its invitation.

"In fact, those who protest should be making a promise. They are promising their society that a better way is indeed possible."
Jim Wallis
God's Politics
HarperSanfrancisco  2005
p. 46


Cataracts would be a good excuse for not posting for so long, but it's also a cop-out. Life gets busy and priorities aren't as easy to set as it seems they should be.

As you see, I've picked up a new book. Elections are less than 2 weeks away. I'm trying to be wise and responsible. (For a while, my co-dependent self was trying to make sure everyone else was too.) I'm trying to read fast, which is nothing short of laughable. I'm praying, incorporating verses from Proverbs: "Help me to not lean on my own understanding, but to acknowledge You in all my ways so that You can direct my paths."

Each political book I read confuses me more--and yet adds a to my understanding of the political process. Each book presents perspectives I haven't thought of. This time, among many other issues, I'm looking at protest.

I guess it's a no-brainer that venting, alone, does little good. Protest needs to be tempered with alternatives--and hope. Wallis allows readers to see that played out. 

Wallis and church leaders warned the Bush administration about disasterous consequences to war in Iraq. They presented a 6 step alternative which included still dealing with Hussein but protecting the Iraqi people. Unfortunately, the plan was not received and the consequences have been as disasterous as expected.

BUT . . . I believe the plan was well thought out and had it been implemented, we'd be living in a different world. I absolutely believe that there are times when the alternatives WILL be received. When the wisdom WILL be recognized. I don't believe we can give up.

Example: poverty/taxing the rich/welfare. Some believe all poor are stupid and/or lazy and deserve nothing. With others, their compassion (or desire for control) runs so deep that they would, unconditionally, give the poor everything they need or want. You know--as we ALL do, that there is some middle ground to play with. Or as Jim Wallis would say, "There is a Third Way."

I've written my first letter to a senator this year. I expressed thankfulness for some measures she's taken. I also asked if there weren't some way to deal with a couple issues that would respect the rights and beliefs of both Republicans and Democrats.

What can I say? It's a start.

Ever Dependent on Him,
Lonnie