"How many children do you have?" What do I say, "four" or "five"? " "Five" I usually say. Sometimes I explain, sometimes I do not."
Nicholas Wolterstorff
Lament For A Son p.62
Age doesn't matter. A child is a child. Wolterstorff's son was twenty-five. He could have been three, or sixteen . . . or 60 . . . or unborn. It's a pain I can't imagine and one I don't want to.
Lament For A Son is an incredible book. Unlike many grief books, it owns few pages and those pages own few words. I've always wondered at even 150 pages. Who, with endless tears and a pain in their chest, can read word after word after word with answers that maybe worked for "someone?"
Nicolas Wolterstorff writes from the middle of his grief. How does one answer, "Will the whole family be home for Easter?" How does one pray for protection for his remaining children when . . . one somehow escaped the protection that was prayed for him? How does one repond to people who are afraid that they, themselves, will break down -- but instead, put on a brave face? Wolterstorff would say, "Your tears are salve on our wound, your silence is salt."
However, he would also say that if you can't think of anything to say, say that: "I don't know what to say, but I want you to know that i'm hurting with you."
Whatever my trial might be, my heart sighs with relief and great appreciation when I pick up a book and read words that mirror my feelings. SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS! When they makes themselves vulnerable by sharing their pain and their faith questions, I don't feel so alone. I don't feel so picked on. I actually experience a seed of hope being watered with an ever-so-gentle rain.
Whether you've experienced the overwhelming grief of losing a child -- or of anyone you love, I think you will find comfort and encouragement in Wolterstroff's book. And for sure, you will better understand how to minister to those with iron weights on their heart.
Whether grieving myself--or trying to bring comfort to someone whose heart is torn with grief, I find myself . . .
Utterly Dependent on Him Who is Utterly Dependable,
Lonnie
