UTTERLY DEPENDENT

"If I am prayerful, God makes me prayerful; if I have graces, they are God's gifts to me; if I hold a consistent life, it is because He upholds me with His hand . . . Do I live before men a consecrated life? It is not I, but Christ who liveth in me . . . Do I feed on the Word? That Word would be no food for me unless the Lord made it food for my soul and helped me to feed upon it."
Charles Spurgeon
Morning By Morning

I am both encouraged and convicted.

The conviction is familiar: pride.

As a new Christian, I was apparently (and rightly) told that I needed to memorize God's Word. Well, I was a poor student. I still am. That's why I "buy" books . . . so I can underline, highlight, and write notes in the margin. That's also why I work at the library. I can take books for a test-drive and not waste money on ones that head different directions than I expect.

At any rate, in those early Christian days, I asked God to help me read the Bible so much that it would become very familiar. I imagine that I miss Bible reading no more than one day a year. And, sometimes, I wonder how people can struggle so to have a Quiet Time. But you see . . . my Bible reading, my consistency is a Prayer Answer! Spurgeon would agree: "Whatever I have, all my goodness is of the Lord alone."

David would agree: "My goodness is nothing apart from You." (Ps. 16: 2b)

I can take no credit. I can offer up much thanksgiving to the God who makes my life rich with His Word.

I'm encouraged, too. The Christian life requires many disciplines--many of which I fail miserably. But if God is the Source; if He gives the strength and ability. I am not hopeless. I am just growing. I am just . . .

Utterly Dependent on Him Who Is Utterly Dependable,
Lonnie

FOR CHARACTER'S SAKE?

" . . . I've yet to find Jesus saying to the afflicted, 'The reason you suffer from hemorrhage  (or paralysis or leprosy) is that God is working to build your character.' Jesus did not lecture such people; he healed them."

Philip Yancey
The Question That Never Goes Away

I would love your thoughts on this one.

 I don't remember the exact context of sermons, but I may have left church with the impression that the crises of my life were, indeed, for my character building. And it seemed that Romans 5: 3-4 provided further proof:

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

So, part of me agreed with Yancey; a large part of me wanted to. But, there was still that verse . . .

I re-read Yancey's page a few times. He even mentioned Romans 5; but he did so from a different angle.

"When they wrote to believers who were unjustly persecuted for their faith, Paul, James, and Peter stressed suffering's redemptive value (emphasis mine).

I think I can deal with that. What seems to change is the origin of the struggle--the suffering. From one side, God causes the struggle to produce character. From the the other side, He uses the struggle for our good.

In the last two or three years, I've heard more and read more about the Christian Struggle. As strange as it sounds, I've been encouraged. I guess I have begun to take the pain less personally--less like God is picking on me.

While I reread and rethink Yancey's words, I ponder the change it makes in my relationship with God. Who I am more likely to approach? Who am I more likely to feel loved by? Who will I be more desirous of pleasing? I think the God of compassion and infinite understanding, rather than the one who causes pain to "teach me a lesson."

God, You are amazing and I am . . .

Utterly and Gratefully Dependent on You,

Lonnie

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

" I wonder," he pondered, "if Dan ever considered what I would be like if I wasn't a praying man." (emphasis mine)
Henri Nouwen/Sue Mosteller
The Only Necessary Thing

Dan accused Henri of preaching beautiful theories, but not living them. Because Henri was unable to stop and talk with Dan, when he asked, he called Henri rude and selfish; then added, "And you are supposedly a man of prayer." 

Sue found Henri drinking coffee and crying.

The truth hurt. But Dan's comments stung!

However, somewhere in his ponderings, Henri must have awakened to another truth. He wasn't all he should be . . . but he was better than he used to be.

Me too, because God allows me to be . . .

Utterly Dependent on Him,
Lonnie

SHEEP, SMILES, AND JAMES T.

"The issue is never, 'Are you qualified?' The issue is always, 'Are you called?'

I make this distinction between qualified and called with aspiring writers all the time. Too many authors worry about whether or not their book will get published. That isn't the question. The question is this: Are you called to write? That's the only question you need to answer. And if the answer is yes, then you need to write the book as an act of obedience. It doesn't matter whether anyone reads it or not."
Mark Batterson
The Circle Maker

I'm out praying today.

I AM writing a book. It's about sheep. Well, sort of. It's really about me--and you too.
"We all, like sheep . . . " Isaiah 53:6
"We are his people, the sheep of his pasture . . . " Psalm 100: 3

I've read every book I can find on sheep, with more emphasis on those without Christian leanings. I wanted to see what the relationship was between shepherds and their sheep. It's been a sweet journey. Every time I pick up one of those books (I HAD to buy them.), I feel enveloped in a strange sort of contentment and in God's love. 

So the book,  We . . . Like Sheep, is a devotion book.

Years ago, I wrote a children's book for a writing class: To Catch A Smile. I love this book. It's about Jacob who considers himself way too boring for Jesus to want to spend time with him. He hides behind a tree and watches other children play with Jesus. It was some time before I realized that "I" am Jacob.

James T. Now, there's a fellow you can't help but like. He's a cross between Mr. Green Jeans off of Captain Kangaroo and my husband, Ray. He always travels with his dog; his first adventure being to a town with no signs. Not a sign anywhere, including store fronts. He accidentally walks into a dress shop and quickly backs out before answering the lady's question: "How do I look in this dress?" He visits another town without manners; people don't even know what manners are!

Yup. James T. and I are buddies. Though I haven't pulled him out of the file for a while, he makes me smile.

Batterson's quote could be discouraging, I suppose. Yet, more than discouragement, I accept his words as permission. I absolutely feel "called" to write; and so I will. 

 My prayers aren't whether I "should" write; they are more about asking what I should do with what I write. There are some huge hurdles toward publishing. That world has changed a lot since I had articles and children's stories published in magazines.

And so I pray, because I am . . . 

Utterly Dependent on Him Who is Utterly Dependable,
Lonnie

MORE AGONY THAN ECSTASY

Michelangelo: "Your Grace, I will give you actual drawings of the pietra serena doors, windows, pilasters, columns, niches, cornices. Then I will build models in wood exactly the size the tombs are to be. I will put on them the proposed statues in clay, made to size and finished exactly as they are to be."

Cardinal Giulio: "That will take considerable time. The Holy Father is in a hurry."
Irving Stone
The Agony and the Ecstasy

Ray is my Michelangelo. I am Cardinal Giulo--in a hurry.

One of the biggest take-aways, for me, within the 758 pages (!!) of The Agony and the Ecstasy is the preparation behind Michelangelo's masterpieces. The mixing of paints for the Sistine Chapel involved the preciseness of science. When he painted the fresco of the chapel, it could not be dry; but rather had to be a certain degree of dampness for the paint to adher. Thus he could only work on small portions at a time, and at the same time preventing seams between one day's work and the next. 

 Drawings and plans preceded the actual work. Besides that, much preparation took place in Michelangelo's thoughts and heart; which means we can barely appreciate his paintings and sculptures until we know some of the backstory.

Did you know that Michelangelo dissected corpses to determine how muscles worked beneath the skin, and to give the most accurate expression of motion? Oooh. Stone was a bit too descriptive for me. I finally skipped a couple pages. But you get the idea. Preparation . . . more agony than ecstasy!

I hate it! I want to get the project done and get on to the next one. We have plenty.

When we paint walls, Ray fills nail holes (even ones that will hold the same nail and picture when we're done). He fills dents made by furniture, and patiently waits for the putty to dry. He insists that we prime. He insists on putting plastic down--ever so meticulously. He tapes the baseboards--again, ever so meticulously. Amidst my irritation and impatience, I've told him that if he goes first, painting won't be done his way.

And it won't look the same, either! There's a reason we know about Michelangelo. It's his persuit of excellence. And while I'm not up for the competition, I'm guessing anyone of you could tell the difference between a room Ray painted and one I've painted. I'm learning.  

Pick your craft--quilting, painting cars, embroidery, photography, woodworking, knitting. Preparation and attention to details makes the difference. 

This is not my personality. I want the pretty without the pain. So I am . . . 

Utterly Dependent on Him who is Utterly Dependable,
Lonnie